Friday, July 25, 2014

How Sir Cecil deals with bores

Nothing bores a bore more than another bore; and when I bore, I bore from without, from within, and obliquely.

(Sir Cecil Smythe, played  by Arthur Treacher on The Smiths of Hollywood radio show)

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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Evidently all you have to do to be considered a genius

in the scientific field these days is to come out with a theory. Everyone will jump on the bandwagon. You do not necessarily have to prove it, of course, just state the theory eloquently, frequently, and loudly.

I believe I could come up with some theories. Reckon I could get to be a genius?

Stand By For Crime radio show

This is a snappy detective/crime radio show with just a hint of humor, and a fast-moving pace. Chuck Morgan is the news reporter on radio station KOP. His boss, the owner, is called Pappy, and he generally refers to Carol Curtis, his secretary and sweet heart, as Glamor Puss. Morgan and Curtis were played by the real-life husband and wife team of Glenn Langan and Adele Jergens.

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Hey business leaders: What if hospitals staffed like you do?

You staff your businesses so that you can just barely get by when everyone is there, no one is sick, and no one is on vacation. When that is not the case, well, the employees just have to work double and the customers have to grin and bear it.

But now, imagine if YOU are in the hospital and in excruciating pain. If the nurse tells you, "I am sorry you have had to lie there so long, but we have two people on vacation and just have not been able to get to you." It would serve you right, woudn't it?

NO enterprise can excel on a "just barely get by" staffing philosophy.

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Rolling stops

I am told that significantly more energy is expended to start a vehicle from a complete stop than to start one that is already in motion, even if very slowly. I wonder how much energy would be saved if all stop sign laws were changed to allow rolling stops. Of course, there are safety issues that might be involved, but from a purely scientific and economic standpoint, I wonder what the result would be. How many barrels of oil?

If you never stand for anything

then you will never encounter any stress defending your principles. There is a lot in that statement. On the other hand, if you expend great amounts of energy defending principles that are of no consequence, then you may not have the necessary energy to defend the ones that are truly important.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Markham (TV series): "The Marble Face"

This series starred Ray Milland who did a great job in the title role as a middle-aged private detective/ladies' man. In this episode, an elderly woman (Lucille Vance) is called out of her bed by a mysterious voice, and then pushed down a flight of stairs. Betty Ann Lynn (Thelma Lou on The Andy Griffith Show) is the niece of the woman, who had come a few weeks earlier to live with her. The aunt has been seeing a medium, and Lynn thinks she has been robbing her aunt. In the aunt's face there is a marble sculpted head of Vance's son. At a seance, the son supposedly speaks to the mother. Markham exposes the medium to the aunt's lawyer, but he argues that she gets pleasure from it. Milland figures out that the real aunt has disappeared some weeks earlier - for good. An imposter and the attorney are running a scam. Markham exposes it and saves the day.

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Those nickel Cokes with peanuts

When I was in the first grade, my father's room at school was upstairs in the National Guard armory which was on the school campus. While he was giving private voice lessons after school, I would hang out in the armory, which was also the high school gymnasium. There were soft drink and vending machines in the entrance to the armory offices, and I remember vividly when the high school boys would buy a 5-cent Coke and a package of peanuts, pour the peanuts into the bottle, and enjoy them. I was so jealous, because I rarely had any money for anything so scandalously extravagant as snacks. But on a few occasions I had one, and I remember to this day how good they tasted. Those old 5-cent Cokes in glass bottles just tasted better than the ones they have today.

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"Innocent act without thinking; guilty always make plans."

Charlie Chan, from The Sky Dragon

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Irene Ryan's date with Hans Conried

On the Jack Carson radio show, Irene Ryan (Granny Clampett) played an old maid with a long list of medical afflictions. Jack makes the mistake of promising to get her a date, which he does with an escapee from the local asylum (Conried). The results are predicably humorous.

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More HERE about Hans Conried

It is a sad state of affairs in the medical profession

when people are afraid to go to the doctor for fear they will be "sold" something they do not really need and absolutely cannot afford. Profit has replaced professionalism.

This one did not take long

Ma'am, that was the shortest fight on record. I swung at him and missed. He swung at me and didn't.

(from Guns of the Timberlands, by Louis Lamour)

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Monday, July 21, 2014

One needs one's hat

          "What I propose to do," continued Psmith, without waiting for an answer, "is to touch you for the good round sum of five thousand and three dollars."
          Mr. Waring half rose. "Five thousand dollars!"
          "Five thousand and three dollars," said Psmith. "It may possibly have escaped your memory, but a certain minion of yours, one J. Repetto, utterly ruined a practically new hat of mine. If you think that I can afford to come to New York and scatter hats about as if they were mere dross, you were making the culminating error of a misspent life. Three dollars are what I need for a new one. The balance of your cheque, the five thousand, I propose to apply to making those tenements fit for a tolerably fastidious pig to live in."

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

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More HERE about hats.

Blenkinsop's Balm for the Bilious

This evidently very effective medication is recommend highly by the hero of the P. G. Wodehouse novel Psmith Journalist. It appears to be a complete fabrication, so one can only wonder what it's healing properties might have been.

New York policemen have no sense of humor?

There, standing on the mat, were three policemen. From their remarks I gathered that certain bright spirits had been running a gambling establishment in the lower regions of the building - where, I think I told you, there is a saloon - and the Law was now about to clean up the place. Very cordially the honest fellows invited me to go with them. A conveyance, it seemed, waiting in the street without. I pointed out, even as you appear to have done, that sea-green pyjamas with old rose frogs were not the costume in which a Shropshire Psmith should be seen abroad in one of the world's greatest cities; but they assured me - more by their manner than their words - that my misgivings were out of place, so I yielded. These men, I told myself, have lived in New York longer than I. They know that is done and what is not done. I will bow to their views. So I went with them, and after a very pleasant and cosy little ride in the patrol waggon [sic], arrived at the police station.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

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More HERE about policemen.

The shortcomings of the New York subway

Conversation on the Subway is impossible. The ingenious gentlemen who constructed it started with the object of making it noisy. Not ordinarily noisy,, like a ton of coal falling onto a sheet of tin, but really noisy. So they fashioned the pillars of thin steel, and the sleepers of thin wood, and loosened all the nuts, and now a Subway rain in motion suggests a prolonged dynamite explosion blended with the voice of some great cataract.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse.

More HERE about the subway.

A lightweight publication, perhaps?

Comrade Wilberfloss's methods were good in their way. I have no quarrel with Comrade Wilberfloss. But he did not lead public thought. He catered exclusively for children with water on the brain, and men and women with solid ivory skulls.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Corn on the cob to a squirrel

Chico Marx on the Bob Hope radio show

Chico Marx is not as well known today as Harpo (thanks to Lucille Ball) and certainly not as famous as Groucho, but he was a competent comedian in his own right. He was the special guest on one episode of the Bob Hope radio show, and played the piano (actually pretty well), while he cracked occasional jokes.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

How cheap was Jack Benny?

"Benny not only has no teeth, he is too cheap to buy false teeth. He enamels his guns." - Fred Allen



More HERE about Jack  Benny.

He sat by B. B. King

A man who used to be a salesman where I work had tickets each year at the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. He was a regular, and got the same seat each year. It happened that famous blues singer and guitarist B. B. King had the seat next to him. He said they got to be fairly well acquainted, even though they only saw each other once a year.

George became less humorous

In the early episodes of the Let George Do It radio show, Claire Brooks was only his secretary (not yet any romantic interest), and her younger brother Sonny provided the comic relief. Later on, Sonny was dropped, and George and Claire ("Brooksie") became very much an item. As that happened, the program lost a little of its humorous tone.